5 Reasons Why I Probably Don’t Like You (and stopped talking to you)

Making friends can be a real bitch. Sometimes people end up becoming difficult to deal with, which ultimately is what I dislike. Subsequently, I will avoid you. And after that, I will give no fucks about you so talking about why we stopped being friends will never happen. Here are 5 reasons why I probably don’t like you:

YOUR ADVICE SUCKS

Here’s the thing about being a good friend. A good friend is someone who is loyal, reliable, chill, and doesn’t stir up drama. On top of many other qualities and descriptive words, you can be considered a good friend to someone else. But if there’s one thing about being a good friend, it should gravitate towards giving solid and blunt advice.

If your advice is a typical textbook response of “Everything’s going to be okay, don’t worry, life’s chips will fall into place,” then that’s probably why I don’t like you. If you didn’t take the time to respond to your friends’ midday crisis in a timely manner because you were occupied with whatever it is i.e. laundry, exercising, watching a video about a blind raccoon and his two cat bodyguards, (excluding: work, at a meeting, taking a big ol shit)¬†then where the fuck are your priorities? A good friend stops doing whatever the fuck they’re doing, and always breathes and lives to give honest advice that actually makes sense and makes you feel better. Their advice isn’t a bunch of words strung together to sound professional nor improvised. The best kind of advice comes from the heart and your finger muscles.

YOU’RE A NARCISSISTIC POS

From top to bottom, and inside and out, you’re full of yourself. One’s outlook on life matters but if you’re always thinking about yourself and lack any understanding of others’ feelings, I will walk away from your long term abnormal excessive behavior. The POS was an add-on but if you admit that you think you’re not then you’re definitely a POS.

One time, I was hanging out with a dude who suddenly turned to me and said, “You know, I’m self-diagnosed but I actually am really narcissistic and I’m proud to be.” Right then and there, I knew his future wife would probably suffer every day infinitely. But then I thought, due to his incredibly intoxicating personality, he probably will successfully find a narcissistic woman to share a beautiful grandiose love story of constant admiration from others and fixated fantasy of achieving power from anyone who walks their way. Invite me to the wedding, I’d love to see the foot traffic of your burning gazebo.

YOU’RE ADDICTED TO ______

Mainly alcoholism and drugs. Sometimes it’s food, sex, and hell, even shopping or the Internet. To be really honest, it’s one’s compulsive behavior. People who constantly forget, dismiss, and cross their boundaries of self-control… indulgence is cool but if you need a beer or a bong rip to get through your day every day, then that’s why I probably don’t like you.

Life is interesting, in particular with the friends you make on your way to growing up. There are a few people you see struggling and you want to help them because you love them or give a fuck enough to want to see them be successful. But after awhile when it gets tiring cause they don’t want to get help, sometimes you have to pull them out of your life and move on. Sometimes when people are really fucked up on drugs and alcohol or whatever inner demons they’re fighting, they can’t tell the difference between right and wrong. Mostly, they used up all your energy, and it’s not that the energy you used on them was wasted or because you’re giving up too soon, it’s because you don’t have the strength to keep fixing something that’s already broken.

YOU HAVE NO LIFE GOALS

For you, life is all about living in the present because the future scares you. Living in the moment is like so 2010 but you’re like totally chillin’ on this thing called “life” (which you use your fingers as quotations because you always ask what the point of it is anyways) that having a plan is the last thing you care about. And because you have nothing to look forward to, you’d rather consume _____ because you’re addicted, think about yourself cause you’re a narc, and you probably can’t put two and two together.

Like a drunk person waiting past 2 a.m. for their booty call to uber over, people who sit around waiting for life to hit them up are some of the worst of wo (man) kind. The waiting game is painstaking and consumes you. And at the age of 23, I can’t be surrounded by a bunch of losers who are diving head in to the shallow, wading part of a pool. Dive head in into the dirty abyss of this crazy, fucked up world of competitive opportunities and then I’ll probably start to like you.

YOU NEVER MOVE FORWARD

All in all, you don’t think at all. You can’t process your thoughts without having a meltdown and blaming your problems to the closest friend and probably your most trusted friend. You sit on your ass all fucking day, wasting your days thinking about the what if’s but never execute your plan to move forward.

Let me take a few sentences to spell this shit out because I’ve dealt with my fair trade of jacks… You don’t do anything you say you’ll do. This is where the root of trust issues comes into play. Nobody can really trust you as a friend because you don’t pull through in anything. Never moving forward is a sign of laziness and poor functionality and failing to grab life by its balls, and that’s probably why I really don’t like you.

If any of this resonated with you or you want to read more of my stuff, come back to this site whenever. 

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